So I was just thinking & randomly I thought of breaking up.
As I was thinking I realized (in my opinion of course), that there are basically 6 stages of breaking up.
1. Heartbreak (& pain)
2. Confusion (& pain)
3. Anger (& pain)
4. Jealously (& pain)
5. Holding on (& pain)
6. Letting go (& love)
1. Heartbreak. Ouch. There is nothing quite like getting your heart broken from the opposite sex. No matter if it’s the first or fifth time this is happening to you, it hurts.. Almost burns actually. Especially if you have been dating this person for a long period of time. It can make you literally feel like you cannot breathe & you begin to have days where you cry so hard eventually no tears will come so you just lie there, silent, still, hurting emotionally, mentally, & even physically. Your head hurts from all the tears, blowing your nose, you’re clogged up & just have not the slightest clue as to how you’re going to will yourself out of bed.
2. Confusion. Oh confusion. This part really sucks because you are awake enough now to realize how much it sucks. Sitting there wondering what you could’ve done differently to make this person want you, to make them stay in love with you. There is never a legit answer though. Just lots of “what ifs” & “I wish I would haves..”. It hurts. It sucks. It drives you insane, & there isn’t really anything you can do about it consuming your mind. Even weeks, months, & sometimes years later you catch yourself still questioning why it didn’t work out, what made you undesirable, unwanted, unloved.
3. Anger. Ahh. When this strike comes it can last a few hours, or much, much longer. Depending on the level of commitment you had with your love will basically determine just how strong your anger will be. It might only be directed at yourself, thinking this ending was your fault. It might be towards the one who broke your heart, so mad that they think they’re too good for you & that you’re just not good enough for them. Or, in some cases, you are just downright angry with the entire world. So hurt you can’t see straight & so everything that anyone is doing just instantly makes your face scowl, so often so you don’t even recognize your own reflection anymore. You’re sick of crying, you have not much left of yourself to give, you’re just worn down & mad.
4. Jealously. This is such a wicked feeling to have. No one WANTS to be jealous, yet here we are always being so regardless. You have basically realized there isn’t anything you can do to make him/her stay, but just the thought of them wanting, or even worse, needing someone else makes you want to vomit from the very pit of your stomach. The thought of them having that same smile from when you first met them, but now it’s directed toward someone else… pure agony. Jealously is a wasted feeling, yet we keep that trash around anyway. We might not even want our ex anymore, but we sure as hell don’t want them to be with anyone else.
5. Holding on. So you’ve composed yourself back to shape as much as possible now, & you think you’re doing good. Then you open that box, that photo album, smell that scent, see that movie.. Whatever it may be, something triggers all those feelings right back into your space, into your heart, mind, & soul. You think oh just maybe we have one more shot. Maybe if I do this or that differently, wear my hair a certain way, try harder. It’s almost a worthless shot, but yet you find yourself thinking you can do it anyway, make them love you again.
6. Letting go. This one right here. You have truly picked up all YOUR pieces & realize you can’t keep holding yourself onto the shattered ones that only cut you, cut you deep. You find yourself being more in love with yourself again than him/her, than the thought of making it work anymore. You finally have opened your eyes, reached deep down into everything you’re made of, & realize you have got to love yourself more than holding onto the pain, the self pity, these mere thoughts of being in love with someone who doesn’t love nor want you back. You’ve finally got your life back to doing for you, treating yourself, & not worried about when your next love will come along. Knowing that when he/she does come though, you are finally healed enough to maybe, just maybe, let another in.